© 2003 by Laurie Kay Olson
(Here is a little taste of what is going on in my book. Let me know what you think!)
When I got the call from the committee sayin’ that I’d won
You coulda knocked me over with a pin feather.
Who’d a guessed that my Loretta Sue could write so nice?
Though I wisht she hadn’t mentioned that time last year
When I accidentally shut the cat in the clothes dryer
An’ it took so long to figure out what that thumpin’ noise was
That the poor thing had a terrible case o’ static cling for two weeks
An’ kept walkin’ round the house covered in socks an’ lint.
Eny-who, Earl an’ me had been startin’ to think that Loretta Sue
Wasn’t gonna have no God-given talent at all from the looks o’ things,
Ever since we had to take her out of Miz Patsy’s tap dancing class
‘Cause her foot kept missin’ the floor an’ she’d fall over.
Now we’re jist as proud as can be over her –
Mebbe she’ll grow up to be a famous book writer.
Although I’d hate for her to go tellin’ our family secrets
Like the time ol’ Grandpa Parker broke wind somethin’ fierce
At the Founder’s Day Picnic over to the county fairgrounds.
Right in the middle of his speech introducin’ Miz Succotash County 1992.
An’ right in front o’ the mayor an’ the entire Pea Pod Junction City Council.
It was the most embarrassin’ thing that’s happened to our family
Since Bubba was a little baby an’ threw up his strained beets
All over Governor Clinton when he was runnin’ for President.
Eny who, Earl an’ me would be real thankful if we could jist find
Somethin’ Bubba was good at besides gettin’ into trouble
An’ havin’ burpin’ contests with his daddy durin’ football games.
Eny-who, they give me this award at a big chicken dinner
Over to the American Legion Hall in Bixby Corners.
They had it done up so nice I hardly knew the place.
Not at all like the time they had ol’ Emmett Crowley’s funeral there
An’ forgot they’d already scheduled the volunteer fireman’s
Monthly chug-a-lug contest an nickel-ante poker night.
It made for the strangest funeral ever seen in these parts
What with Emmett lookin’ so nice all laid out in his Sunday best
An’ all the mourners playin’ poker with the firemen.
Earl won seventeen fifty on a straight flush that day.
Said it was the best luck he ever had playin’ poker.
Eny-who, my Loretta Sue read her composition out loud
Jist like there was no one at all watchin’ her standin’ there.
She didn’t even miss a piece when Bubba threw a spit-wad at er.
She jist ducked an’ kept on readin’ like she did that ev’ryday.
Earl quick whupped Bubba up-side the head so he wouldn’t do it agin.
I’ve been named mother o’ the year but I got alotta help gittin’ there.
I mean I couldn’t be mother o’ the year if Earl hadn’t got me in the family way
Right there on our honeymoon to Graceland an’ the Grand Ole Opry.
Oh, no I probably shouldn’t have said that, but there it is.
I only hope that I can serve as a role model for generations
Of Succotash County women to come.