Tuesday, October 25, 2011

You Might be a Boulderite if. . .

(c) 2011 by Laurie Kay Olson. Original version (c) 1996 by the Colorado Daily Newspaper

Boulder is unique, to say the least. Since most people who live here have come from somewhere else, how do you know when you’ve attained true Boulderite status?

As an observant Boulder native, and therefore also innately eccentric, I have a list of criteria to help you identify when you have really arrived. If you are truly a Boulderite you probably:
  • Have experienced wind damage when a sudden gust of wind blew your kayak, skis, or snowboard off the roof of your late model four-wheel-drive vehicle (for natives this would be from the roof of your aging used car that cost less than the kayak, skis, or snowboard).
  • Have one excuse for everything from minor fatigue to Republicans: “It’s the altitude.”
  • Have a better-than-average chance of if identifying food such as daikon, kohlrabi, ginger root, and shitake mushrooms at the supermarket, and know what to do with them when you get home.
  • Think that wind is only a light, refreshing breeze until gusts exceed 90 mph, or blow your dog across the lawn, whichever comes first.
  • Have had at least one self-righteous argument about the smoking ban or gay rights.
  •  If Republican, find yourself having errant liberal thought accompanied by the occasional urge to hug a tree.
  •  If Democrat, find yourself in a liberal paradise.
  •  Have taken sides on the skier vs. boarder issue and can argue it with a certain amount of eloquence, even if you do neither.
  • Own at least one crystal, fossil, or really cool-looking rock.
  • Have the ability to commute to work via auto, bus, cycle, fax, email, or telepathy.
  • Are surprised to meet someone who was actually born in Boulder (we do exist; honestly, it’s not just a myth).
  • Have had an encounter with a wild animal larger than a squirrel within a short distance of your domicile (if not closer).
  • Believe that living here is a result of your karma.
  • Have nearly knocked off a bicycle breaking traffic laws, or been a bicyclist who has nearly been knocked off by a motorist breaking traffic laws.
  • Now complain about the humidity while newcomers are desperately trying to fin their moisturizer.
  • Are addicted to at least one trendy outdoor activity – skiing, boarding, rafting, kayaking, sailing, hiking, mountain biking, etc.
  • Suffer severe guilt pangs about throwing something away, even if you know it is not reusable or recyclable.
Now some tips on how to identify Boulder natives. They are able to pronounce Colorado backwards, sing the Panthers’ or Knights’ fight songs, begin sentences with “I remember when. . .” and actually remember when the letters CU were painted on the Flatirons.

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